Following my tonsillitis, I got suspected swine flu and I can honestly say that I have never felt so ill in my whole life. It left me completely incapable of using my muscles for over 24 hours and then able to, but with immense pain, for a further 48 and then I remained weak for another seven days on top of that. I won’t go into any more detail as it is not fun to read or write and I am now regaining my motivation, awaking my inner voice to inspire me and working on putting the last couple of weeks behind me.
I spent some time trying to find positives as I lay with only my brain working and very slowly at that. I decided:
- The children are absolutely fine
- I have a warm home and plenty of food and water
- I am lucky to live in a developed county where I have doctors and health services provided
- I have a loving husband who could look after me and, more importantly, the children and was able take two days off work to do so
- Tamiflu
- Neurofen and paracetamol
- I did not have any major events to miss such as a wedding day
- It will be better by Christmas
- I will get better, many people live with pain like this for long periods if not, forever
- I now appreciate my health even more
I also took some time to review my lifestyle and realised a few changes I could make. I always want to achieve the most I can in the time I have and sometimes I may push myself a bit too hard. I also feel that I need to keep going at a high- speed rate or I am slacking. Having been forced to have two days rest and a further week at snail pace, I have realised how much I actually do every day and how perhaps I owe myself a break after working at this speed for such a long time. I think I felt my body show some weakness for the first time and I got protective and wanted to look after it.
For example, I have an hour and half each week on a Friday morning during term time when my son is at preschool and my daughter is at playgroup. I normally plan this time to precision so as not to waste it – I clean the cupboards, wash all the floors, go for a run or bleach the bathrooms. I try to achieve as much in this time as possible so I don’t feel like I have wasted it. I have now reviewed this and decided maybe, just maybe, I deserve to reserve this time for relaxation. It is, after all, what I would recommend a client to do in the same situation. I may decide to come home and have a leisurely bath, or go for a long swim, or go and sit in a coffee shop and read a magazine. This does not make me a bad person or a slacker, this makes me balanced.
I am behind on my courses, I am behind on my Italian, I am behind on my coaching, I am behind on the housework and I am behind on Christmas. What I have spent the time catching up on is my kids as they are my priority and I really did not enjoy struggling to do my job as mummy. I owe my husband some serious loving as he has been so patient, taken on extra responsibility incredibly and done it all with a beautiful smile. I know that everything can wait, I will get around to doing it all and so I am not going to stress - I want to wait until I can do everything properly.
I have had extra time with my daughter, as I have not been able to go to the gym, so we have been spending all morning together whilst my son is at preschool. It has been so lovely to have unrushed, unstructured time to just hang out and play and cuddle. I normally try to squash everything in to the morning and we rush here and there so this has been really a bit special. My husband went in to work a bit later and we went for hot chocolate together. It was gorgeous to be sitting together at the beginning of the day rather than in the tiredness of the evening and we chatted and walked our daughter down the river leisurely.
So, I thought I had balance. I thought I was fitting everything in and filling our lives with interesting and enjoyable activities but having taken stock and stepped back from my own life for a little while, I can see that it will do us all no harm to take it down a gear or two. The world will not stop, we will not fall off the edge, we will hopefully just enjoy the view a little bit more.
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