Let it snow

Christmas is one of my favourite times of year especially now I am fortunate enough to be able to share it with little ones. I am loving everything about the festivities, quite possibly more than ever before, as the children are just ‘getting it’ so much now.

 

My son had his pre-school concert held in the nursery and he was a very special reindeer. My husband, my daughter and I went to watch on Tuesday and, after I got over the huge desire to just blubber overtaken by emotion of 26 mini people all sitting so beautifully in their haphazard costumes with varying degrees of confusion on their faces, watched with pride and amazement at their combined courage and talent. My son had a very important line, addressing Father Christmas, he said ‘We can get you out. Hold onto our antlers’ and then with his fellow reindeer, he pulled FC out of the chimney where he had been stuck throughout the play. A stunning rendition of ‘The Reindeer Cokey’ followed in which antlers and hoofs were put in and out and my heart broke for a minute or two as I watched my little man dancing his little reindeer legs off.

 

I had witnessed the rehearsal on the Monday complete with my daughter as my regular day to help in my son’s class normally coincides with my daughter’s morning in playgroup but, as that has now finished for the holiday, she spent the full session in with us. She loved every minute and I could feel her radiating ‘I am so grown up now’ joy for hours after! It also meant that when we watched the play for real, she knew the songs and clapped and sung along pointing with pride at her big brother all the way through.

 

We have visited several grottos as I not-so-secretly love this as much as the kids and if we meet a particularly good Santa, then I can allow myself to be convinced and swept up in the fantastical magic along with the intended believers. Today we accidentally visited another grotto whilst meeting friends in the snow for a final pre - Christmas catch up. There he was, sitting in his glory and it didn’t take much before we were in the surprisingly short queue eager to be introduced. He was by far the best so far and chatted happily, addressing each of the four children by their names, discussing his Christmas Eve wishes and even answering my questions regarding what would be the best course of action should he get stuck up the chimney. The kids clearly adored every moment and he gave them the gift of Christmas magic that they will remember way beyond their childhood.

Happiness is.....

They say it comes in threes and my goodness it has for me. The tail end of my flu offered a small dose of toothache reminding me that I still haven’t sorted out THAT tooth which has plagued my nightmares for years. I am totally dentist phobic and have got as far as the dentist chair a number of times, I’ve been x rayed, I’ve been brave for my kids to set a good example, I’ve been when pregnant as I knew they couldn’t hurt me but I have managed to avoid any actual drilling for many years. I have always known THAT tooth needed work since the filling fell out 5 years ago and I had a temporary one put in over two years ago (the pregnancy visit) and then the x ray a few months ago confirmed that we were now at root canal stage. I have spent months building up the courage to get my butt back in the chair and it took this last bout of toothache to get me there.

 

So, I arrived and after briefly considering doing a runner from the waiting room, I was called in by a lovely, smiling lady (good start). She and the smiley dentist (v good start) welcomed me in and I promptly burst into tears. After using the tissues they swiftly produced (I got the feeling I wasn’t the first the shed a tear or 50), I said my speech that I had carefully constructed including a plea not to hurt me too much and then settled back on the dreaded chair. After a few minutes I realised that I was going to have to open my mouth. We decided that it was best he just get on and do it there and then as my history of bailing and avoidance didn’t bode well for a return visit so I succumbed to the injection and lay back facing my fear and ready to join the root canal club.

 

The injections weren’t as bad as I thought and once numb, I actually did relax and, as he drilled, I just visualised all that horrible decay and the stress THAT tooth had provided over the years being eroded and cleaned. I reasoned that giving birth to my two babies with just gas and air and actually having to be a very active part of that particular job, this was easy. I had completely lost feeling and I didn’t have to do anything. Goodness, this was a break of sorts, a holiday. I could lie back and do nothing. Bonus! Pass me a cocktail.

 

So, he’s drilling and then he stops and asks me a few questions about what hurts, when it hurt etc and then he looks at the x- ray and his notes and then he delivers news that, had I not got a tongue suction and clamp on my numb mouth, I may just have sat up and kissed him for. ‘You do not need a root canal, just a big filling’. My shaking from nerves did a U-turn and morphed into a shaking from joy! After all that worry, all those opinions and even considering removing the tooth as I couldn’t face work being done, I now hear that I just needed a filling.

 

Thank you kind dentist and thank you lovely smiley dental nurse – you have just helped me tick off a huge item from my ‘Things to do before I am 30’ list and I couldn’t be happier!

 

Happiness is….going in for a root canal and coming out with a filling.

 

Silk Purse

Following my tonsillitis, I got suspected swine flu and I can honestly say that I have never felt so ill in my whole life. It left me completely incapable of using my muscles for over 24 hours and then able to, but with immense pain, for a further 48 and then I remained weak for another seven days on top of that. I won’t go into any more detail as it is not fun to read or write and I am now regaining my motivation, awaking my inner voice to inspire me and working on putting the last couple of weeks behind me.

 

I spent some time trying to find positives as I lay with only my brain working and very slowly at that. I decided:

 

- The children are absolutely fine

- I have a warm home and plenty of food and water

- I am lucky to live in a developed county where I have doctors and health services provided

- I have a loving husband who could look after me and, more importantly, the children and was able take two days off work to do so

- Tamiflu

- Neurofen and paracetamol

- I did not have any major events to miss such as a wedding day

- It will be better by Christmas

- I will get better, many people live with pain like this for long periods if not, forever

- I now appreciate my health even more

 

I also took some time to review my lifestyle and realised a few changes I could make. I always want to achieve the most I can in the time I have and sometimes I may push myself a bit too hard. I also feel that I need to keep going at a high-  speed rate or I am slacking. Having been forced to have two days rest and a further week at snail pace, I have realised how much I actually do every day and how perhaps I owe myself a break after working at this speed for such a long time. I think I felt my body show some weakness for the first time and I got protective and wanted to look after it.

 

For example, I have an hour and half each week on a Friday morning during term time when my son is at preschool and my daughter is at playgroup. I normally plan this time to precision so as not to waste it – I clean the cupboards, wash all the floors, go for a run or bleach the bathrooms. I try to achieve as much in this time as possible so I don’t feel like I have wasted it. I have now reviewed this and decided maybe, just maybe, I deserve to reserve this time for relaxation. It is, after all, what I would recommend a client to do in the same situation. I may decide to come home and have a leisurely bath, or go for a long swim, or go and sit in a coffee shop and read a magazine. This does not make me a bad person or a slacker, this makes me balanced.

 

I am behind on my courses, I am behind on my Italian, I am behind on my coaching, I am behind on the housework and I am behind on Christmas. What I have spent the time catching up on is my kids as they are my priority and I really did not enjoy struggling to do my job as mummy. I owe my husband some serious loving as he has been so patient, taken on extra responsibility incredibly and done it all with a beautiful smile. I know that everything can wait, I will get around to doing it all and so I am not going to stress - I want to wait until I can do everything properly.

 

I have had extra time with my daughter, as I have not been able to go to the gym, so we have been spending all morning together whilst my son is at preschool. It has been so lovely to have unrushed, unstructured time to just hang out and play and cuddle. I normally try to squash everything in to the morning and we rush here and there so this has been really a bit special. My husband went in to work a bit later and we went for hot chocolate together. It was gorgeous to be sitting together at the beginning of the day rather than in the tiredness of the evening and we chatted and walked our daughter down the river leisurely.

 

So, I thought I had balance. I thought I was fitting everything in and filling our lives with interesting and enjoyable activities but having taken stock and stepped back from my own life for a little while, I can see that it will do us all no harm to take it down a gear or two. The world will not stop, we will not fall off the edge, we will hopefully just enjoy the view a little bit more.