In or Out?

So, the sunshine and the spring have finally made a very welcome appearance! How much of a difference do they make to your life and your mood?

I find the sunshine puts a few extra smiles in the world and that can only be a good thing!

My gym membership ended last month and so I have been experiencing the joys of outdoor exercise again for the first time since I was training for the marathon last year (and even then I only did a handful of outdoor runs if I am honest!).

As I was running along the river to Hampton Court yesterday, I compiled a list of pros and cons to my new outdoor cadio v my old friend, the gym….

Outdoor pros

• Sunshine
• Fresh Air
• Lung work out
• Seeing life
• Enjoying the views
• More interesting
• Opportunity to try different routes
• A chance to explore the area
• Inspiration for new places to take the kids
• It’s free
• Endless variety
• Start working out the minute I leave the house, no need for travel
• No smelly people on the treadmill next to me spraying their sweat across
• No need to always have £1 for lockers

Outdoor cons

• The little bug things that keep flying in my mouth/up my nose
• No trashy TV to watch or BBC news to catch up on or radio to listen to
• Having to take and carry as much water as I’ll need
• Being slightly scared of the woods/river path even though I always go safe routes my imagination does override my common sense on occasions
• It’s not right next to Sainsbury so I can’t link gym/shopping, bike ride home (although this should go under pros too as Sainsbury shopping after a run was dangerous as I would be so hungry, I’d buy way too much!)
• No little digital information provider telling me how far/long/fast I’ve been running
• If I run too far, I’ve still got to get myself home
• Weather dependant

13 v 8

In conclusion, I have found that my new al fresco style exercise is better all round!

Enjoy the sunshine and smiles x

Young love

Today we had the pleasure of having an adorable little girl from my son’s pre school class over to play. Three and a half hours flew by without hitch and she left my son and daughter totally exhausted and me feeling fine – my ideal house guest!

Her favourite game was to pretend that I was poorly and I had to lie on the sofa (good so far) and I wasn’t allowed to move (even better) whilst she told my obedient off spring to fetch me (pretend) drinks, cuddle me and give me lots of injections. She ate happily, played happily and brought out the best side of my son. He looked at her with puppy dog eyes, following her every command even though she is too young to realise the full advantage of her power. She looked like she had stepped out of a picture book, all long plaits, pink dress and rosy cheeks yet she got stuck in with his bob the builder games, ran around at speed and initiated a game in which they built an excellent den.

My son asked her why she doesn’t play with him all the time at school to which she replied simply that she plays with the girls at school but he could be her boyfriend outside of school. They are four.

My daughter took a few minutes to get used to having a female friend of her brother in the home as they have all been male to date apart from old friends who she has known forever. She soon recognised the benefit of having a fellow female to squeal with and demonstrated this seal of approval by bestowing upon her a pair of beloved pink, sparkling fairy wings.

I am very proud of my son for befriending such a sweet natured, charming and polite little girl and I do hope his taste in women remains so exactly to my taste also. To have the approval of the family instantly is quite remarkable. Long may it continue!

Looking to the future

My son has been thinking a lot about the future. He has often suggested that we get married and is quite sure that we’ll be together forever. He has also been making some interesting observations and suggestions in regards to the family.

‘Mummy, when I grow up, I’m going to be a doctor. And so will you so you can still be with me all of the day, every day’ He soon added his Papa and sister too as ‘we should all be together all of the time. For work and then lunch and then all come home together’

‘I’m also going to be a fireman. With my sister next to me in the baby seat’

He has been considering who will look after his sister’s babies when she grows up and ‘has real babies – what will happen to her baby? Who will push her around the house in the buggy?’

He is at the age where his Daddy is a giant in his mind. 'As big as Papa?’ being the ultimate in huge. He is determined to be that big and displays his enthusiasm as he finishes every last mouthful. ‘Can you see my legs growing?'

Birthday Boy

My little boy turned 4 today. He took it all in remarkably calmly and just seemed to cruise through and enjoy the day.

He woke up and happily opened presents before getting ready for pre school where he wore the ‘birthday badge’, got sung to and gave out treats at the end. Then he came home to the house I had prepared for his party and waited for his little group of friends to arrive. They played, ate, played and ate some more and then left, rosy cheeked and goodie bags* in hand. My son crashed out with his little sister and watched his birthday film ‘UP’, just popping into the playroom every so often to check out his new toys. He got ready for bed and jumped in easily to listen to lots of new birthday book stories. Falling asleep with a gentle smile still playing on his mouth, his mummy staring at him with a nostaligic and proud mummy tear falling unashamedly.

Thank you for the most wonderful and the most perfect four years of my life so far, my little superhero xxxxx

*Goodie bags from www.sweetpeaparties.com and highly recommended by MummyCoach!

Everything comes in threes

So, Part Three. 1. Tonsillitis 2. Swine flu 3. See below

I had my appendix out on Friday night. I knew there was something wrong but it took a while to figure out what it was. I’ve always known that I have a high pain threshold and, on this occasion, it worked to my disadvantage. After two visits to the GP, it had been put down to gastro something and then a kidney infection. Luckily, I had been told that if the super strength antibiotics didn’t work then I was to return and when I did, the tests showed that I was getting worse and not better. A few more tests and I was straight to hospital and operated on that night.

10 things that I have learnt

1) A good friend at a time in need turns her from a valued friend into a guardian angel

2) Managing to see your husband, albeit briefly, just before heading to theatre makes it all OK

3) Timing is essential. On the weekend. That mum was due to visit. Good planning Mrs. Appendix

4) Home and kids and husband are all the best medicines (without doing the hard work of course!)

5) If it hurts, there is probably something wrong and you should keep trying to fix it until it doesn’t hurt anymore

6) It is perfectly acceptable to attempt a quick clean of the house before heading to hospital if you have a minute as it makes drifting off into oblivion so much easier

7) Hospital food lives up to the reputation it has so rightfully been given

8) You have to ask the questions if you want to get the answers

9) Losing a few hours of your life and waking up to your body complete with marks, scars and things attached to you that you have no memory of receiving is very disconcerting

10) Drugs do work

p.s Allegedly when I was coming round in the recovery room, I could hear some of the team talking about a doctor who had been naughty. I was very insistent to pass on my wisdom to them in all things disciplinary and suggested they put him on the simmer down chair until he can say sorry.

Playtime with playdough!

My son is given a different literacy or numeracy learning pack each week from pre school which are designed to promote weekend activities with the family. They normally come with a book, an exercise or game, a felt board with characters, musical instruments or other props. The pack comes complete with a laminated sheet with ideas and suggestions as to how to use the learning pack.

I love them as they are full of ideas and the one just before half term included the idea of making non-cook playdough, rolling it into little balls and then pushing the balls through some skewers and leaving to dry overnight. Then you can paint them and leave to dry again before threading them through some string to make a beautiful necklace!

I normally make playdough on the cooker but this was a non-cook recipe and it was brilliant. The kids loved the progression of making through to the necklace and it took all of half term to complete it due to the drying times required but this added to its charm. It was an activity that went the distance.

We developed this idea as we all loved it. The next time we made playdough, we rolled it out and used our letter cutters to make our names and other letters that we liked. My son was having a great time finding the letters to make up his name and trying to help his sister and then using the letters to make words once they were dry.

This was a cheap, fun and messy activity that we will be doing again soon!

Playdough recipe

1 cup of salt

2 cups of flour

2 tablespoons cream of tartar

2 tablespoons of oil

2 cups of boiling water

Mix up all of the dry ingredients, add the oil and then slowly stir in the boiling water.

Making sense of the world

I was brought up as a Christian with varying degrees of dedication. For a long time my family were really quite religious and so we would attend church every Sunday, go to Sunday school and my sisters and I all started our education in a Church of England school. We would say grace before a meal, we had copies of the bible around although bible reading wasn’t forced upon us. I envied my sisters as they were old enough to go to ‘Supersaints’, the church group designed for teenagers in the evenings.

My parents separated when I was nine years old and, as I remember, this is when our family and religion in the traditional sense also parted ways. The faith remained however our church attendance was limited to Christmas Eve Mass and other special occasions and there was no more Sunday school and, perhaps most upsettingly for me at the time, my name would never appear on the guest list for 'Supersaints’.

My family each have their own relationships with faith, spirituality and belief and I have mine. I have been thinking of this a lot recently as my son asks so many questions such as ‘Who made our house?’ ‘Who made that car?’ ‘Who made water?’ ‘Who made me?’ ‘Who made you?’ ‘Who made Grannie?’ ‘Who made this toothpaste?’ ‘Who made the trees?’

My answers are normally are one of the following:

1) A factory

2) Their Mummy and Daddy

3) A clever man/lady

4) Bob the Builder

5) God

Then I had ‘Who made God?’ ‘Where is God?’ ‘Why is God everywhere?’ ‘Why is there only one God?’

OK, I had to decide fairly quickly how much to discuss, feeling rather under qualified to explain such important theological ideas and what I was to fill his head with. More questions it turned out, of course.

My husband was brought up in a relaxed Catholic family and attended a school run by nuns for some time. He has no strong religious views now but is a spiritual and open - minded person across the board. We both want to allow our children to decide what they believe and I think the best we can do is offer answers based on what we know or believe and also make sure the kids know that there are lots of beliefs, all of which are equally valid.

I give full credit to my parents as my guides in what I should and shouldn’t do and I recognise that they brought me up to be a ‘good person’ however, I can’t help but think that I also owe a lot to starting life with such a solid religious education. I was never scared by religion or made to feel intimidated, simply the fact that there was the possibility that something like God existed and would see me and judge me was enough of a deterrent.

My son is now making sense of the world around this ‘God’ I have introduced to his world and he talks about him often.

According to my son, the following is an accurate description of God:

He has two googly eyes

A shiny, round nose

A big, big tummy

2 goobly hairs

He is short with feet as big as my (Duplo) castle

He paints and glues and reads Thomas the Tank Engine books

He gives Karma

He eats potatoes (lots of them) and so that he’ll grow into a big polar bear

He eats, pasta, spaghetti, meat and chicken

He doesn’t go to school as he’s too small

I am slightly concerned that I am confusing him but until I can think of better answers to life’s big questions, this will have to do.

Pilate Revisited

I discussed my lack of core stability in my ‘64th Time Lucky' post and so I thought I should revisit my previous procrastination and update on my progress.

 

I completed the Pilates course and left with new knowledge, feeling fantastic despite suffering more illnesses during the 5 weeks I had been learning than ever before (this was purely coincidence!) and ready to put it all to good use.

 

I use a lot of the techniques most days. I use some of the exercises in the gym during my mat work and others just at home when I need to relax or stretch particular muscles. One move I was shown helps a part of my back that I had never been able to reach before. (cue respectively toned down - this was a civilised Pilates class with dimmed light and mood music playing after all  -  ‘When Harry met Sally’ moment)

 

I use the location of the correct layer muscles technique when I do weight work, when I do sit ups and sometimes just when I am walking along.

 

All good so far. I have not been to a Pilates class itself since as the one led by my original teacher is on a Saturday morning and so far I haven’t got myself up and out in time…my husband always offers a lie in to me on a weekend morning if we do not have guests and I find it impossible not to simply nod in submission and turn around back up to bed to snuggle under my warm duvet and…zzzzzzz!

 

I am so glad to have done the course and there is a move, I cannot remember the name of, where you work your way down to touching your toes feeling every vertebra and stretching out and this is how I start and finish every day. I still rate cardio higher for my own needs as it works me in a way I respond to in reducing stress and feeling on top. I would leave the Pilates class feeling relaxed but restless and I still needed to work up a sweat.

 

I think when I have extra time to fit in more than the minimum number of workouts that I need a week, I will introduce a Pilates class and until then I will practice it daily at home. My Pilates DVD now finally makes sense and I know what feels right so this will keep me going until then! 

Mummy Uninterrupted

 

Quite often I will leave a coffee morning or meeting with a friend and feel like I have returned from a tipsy night out and I am experiencing that morning after feeling of half conversations. You know, you remember starting them but you cannot remember how the conversation ended. Well, I often find this is the case now for entirely different reason. My children, their children, someone else’s children or our own parental paranoia meaning that we have one ear on the conversation and one on what’s happening with the little ones.

 

‘So, your husband’s looking for a new job and when is the interview?’

‘On Wednesday but he’s not…oh Josh honey give the train back to Charlie, yes it’s his turn….he’s not really sure as….OK Josh love, let’s go for a wee wee…one minute..’

 

By the time we return from the toilet, the conversation has evaporated and so we start another forgetting where we were prior to the train or the toilet

 

‘I hope the catchment area is the same as last year as we’re hoping to get Simone into the school and…..Poppet, hold your drink up as it’s spilling, oops, on the carpet, no, no don’t worry’

 

Once again forgotten as the next conversation begins with

 

‘The carpet? Oh, no don’t be silly, we’re planning to rip these ones up at the end of the year because….oh dear, it’s ok, it’s only a scratch, oh darling, it’s ok, Chester didn’t mean to hit you with the train’

 

And then that one is discarded onto the increasingly large pile of half sentences..

 

‘’Oh yes, the sight of blood always give me a turn. One time, oh it was so funny, I was on my way to…..Yes, my lovely, you want a cuddle, ok lovely come on up, oh such a lovely song…he’s such a good little singer, one time we were at this restaurant and the music came on and he recognised the tune…..oh dear, who is that? Archie?’

‘Yes, I think so…hang on, let me go and check’

 

And so it continues…starting and stopping, half conversations, half finished stories and a very enjoyable social catch up although a side dish of non - stop interruptions. I have developed a much faster speech rate due to this ‘HowmuchcanIgetoutinonegobeforeweareinterrupted?’

and I rush through any conversation until I realise it’s OK to slow down and pointless rushing as nobody will understand me anyway.

 

I thought of this because last week I had the opportunity to experience not one but two, count them- ONE, TWO – uninterrupted girl times. First up was a coffee morning with the mums from my son’s school and it fell on a Friday. Friday is the only morning I am childfree as my daughter is at playgroup from 9.30-11.30am. 

It was so strange to sit with the mums and chat without looking over shoulders or stopping and starting. I had never actually done it before and I still chatted way too fast but came away feeling like I had heard so much more than normal. I could see the plate of chocolate biscuits and think ‘yum yum’ and not ‘potential toddler sugar high run for the hills’. I could sit back and listen with both ears and watch with both eyes. I think I may need a few attempts to get used to this as the feeling was quite alien and without your children to protect you, the mummy world is a very scary place at times, but I am already looking forward to the next Friday meeting!

 

 The second was something I had been waiting, in excited anticipation, for a while. I had my little big sister for a full night all to myself.

 

We planned an evening together and I knew it would be wonderful and special and it lived up and exceeded my expectations.

I was so happy to spend some proper and uninterrupted time with her for the first time in too long. She has two small children as do I, we live over 200 miles apart, we try to get a decent chat in weekly but there is nothing like a night devoted to each other. She came to stay at our house alone and over a bottle of champagne, a lovely dinner out (and a further bottle of wine) and then a cup of peppermint tea on the sofa afterwards, we properly chatted.

 

Having spent that time with her, I appreciate her even more and I feel a better person for having been in her company for that time. Yes, she’s special.

 

My sister is one of those women who are aware that there is enough to go around everyone and she celebrates the successes and happiness of all of those around her. She is the first to tell you that you look fantastic, your hair is great and your clothes look fabulous. She can’t wait to hear your good news and she picks out all of your strengths and highlights them whenever she can. Your celebration is her celebration and she makes a huge fuss of you to prove it.

 

I cannot thank her enough for granting me that and it was the best birthday present she could have given me…her time.

 

Can you get some uninterrupted time with someone special this month? Give it a try, it will make you feel closer than ever!

'Can I really, truly keep him?'

 (picture is of my son on his first day at home, 12 hours old)

I have just returned from visiting one of my closest friends. She gave birth on Monday to her first daughter and today I had the honour of going over to meet the little stunner. As I walked through the door, I felt an unexpected emotional rush seeing her cradling her newborn baby and looking every inch the perfect, content and blissfully happy new mummy. It was an image I’ll always remember if through slightly blurred vision due to the tears I couldn’t hold back.

 

Those initial days when you bring your first baby home are some of the most beautiful of all time. They take on a surreal, hazy glaze over time and they form the beginning of the highly emotional and joyous journey you will travel through during parenthood.

 

I remember recognising a similar feeling to that of when you first move house. All your stuff is there but it kind of feels different as it is in a different place. Now you are home with your baby, it’s still your home but now it has a tiny baby with a huge presence in it and everything has changed in an instant. Every room feels different, a bit more new and special. My husband and I were so polite to each other, feeling our way around our new roles as mummy and daddy. Even the making of a cup of tea felt strange. The baby that was inside me was suddenly out and we were experiencing love and worry and joy on a level that felt stratospheric.

 

The moses basket which had stood in anticipation for weeks and the sheets washed and re washed, now cradled a little life. The sleepsuits and nappies that had been so lovingly folded, touched, refolded, smoothed over and held imagining the life that would fill them were now filled and the little head poking out the top is warm and soft. The nights take on a magical turn as suddenly any hour is ready to be filled with feeds, changes and checking. Hushed whispers as you watch and listen and wonder in bewilderment how you could produce something so perfect.

 

He slept for hours through the day yet the hours flew as I stroked his cheeks, checked every part of him and fell in love deeper and deeper then I knew it went. As he scrunched his nose and pouted his lips, I asked myself again ‘Is he really mine? Can I really, truly keep him?’

 

Friends and family came and went; some seeming almost alien in our cosy cocooned environment whilst others left me teary eyed and emotional due to the overwhelming feelings of comfort they brought. Flowers covered the surfaces, biscuits and cakes were replenished and endless cups of tea, coffee and juice passed the lips of those around me.

 

As the first two weeks came to an end, I couldn’t remember a life without this little angel in it. I had experienced love and worry in abundance and knew that ‘real life’ would start again soon. The midwife discharged me and information regarding vaccinations, registrations, 6 - week checks, hearing tests and health visitors formed a swell of new responsibility around us.

 

For the moment though, all I wanted to do was curl up and cuddle. Grow in confidence feeding and changing and bathing. Get to know my new body and how it felt to no longer be pregnant but instead be a mummy. The words that kept whirling around my mind: ‘I am a mummy. I have done it. I gave birth. I have a son. I am the luckiest lady in the whole wide world.’ 

I am so proud of my friend and I wish her and her partner all the love and happiness in the world for their new little family.  xx

Big Grins

I am very excited about the start of this new decade. 2010. It is one that I had pinpointed as special since I was a little girl as it would be the one that would see me turn 30! I have been looking forward to becoming 30 since I was about 5 years old. Odd? Maybe! My mum installed this love in me (as she did a love of many things being so full of love that she is) due to her own love of being 30. ‘Oh my darling, being 30 was the best ever. It was the year that I had YOU!’ Now, this is not to say that the years she had my sisters were any less wonderful, it’s just that I was a much longed for third baby (my sisters are 5 and 7 years older than me) and one that she could relax and enjoy with a lot more confidence in her ability.

 

Like me, my mum always feels young. She is an August birthday so the youngest in her year at school. It was her 60^th birthday this year and she celebrated with every joy for every year and has done for every birthday I can remember. She celebrates getting older and appreciates each year and I am the same. I could never dread a birthday or wish to turn back the clock as I am excited about the prospect of the future and grateful for whatever the past has allowed me so far. I also always feel young having been the youngest in the family and often in social groups I have been part of. I was always the ‘little one’ and always the one who was underage in the pub or 14 when the cinema required a 15, so now I am just happy not to cause a threat to the enjoyment of the evening by being refused service/entry. I wouldn’t mind being asked for id now though especially since I have never even been looked at twice at the bar/check out since turning 18 – oh, the injustice!

 

I have had an amazing and bursting to the seams 20’s including graduation, first jobs, spreading my wings into the real world, beautiful new friendships, parties and fun, many houses and homes, travel, meeting and falling in love with my soul mate, marriage, two incredible children, health and happiness beyond any expectation 10 years ago. Even my eager 19 –year- old self who was at university with hopes and dreams like anyone else would not have ever imagined such a fabulous decade and so I feel absolutely ready to take on the next. I have developed a love of life, love of others and love of myself that will hopefully enable me to lead my children through their formative years with the confidence my mum spoke of.

 

My growing maturity has taught me that there is so much more out there, so much to learn and so much to grow from. I do not have to do it all now and nobody expects me to know it all. Nobody is perfect, certainly not me. I am aware of some of my short comings and less favorable personality traits and I am sure that I will learn of many more over of years but I will always be working to improve on them. 

 I have more body confidence now that I no longer fight against my natural curves trying to change them into a size not me. Amazingly this led to a ‘happy weight’ that was below my ‘fighting weight’ and I am now feeling balanced, fulfilled and satisfied as a result. I have discovered the importance of exercise and love being a non - smoker. I know that a bad hair day or bad face day or bad anything else day is not the end of the world and it will pass as quickly as it arrived.  I know that a huge, true grin in photos squeezing someone you love even though it squashes your cheeks is always more beautiful than a pout and a side ways pose.

 

I know that being surrounded by love and feeling love in all its forms is precious and should never be taken for granted. I know that as long as you have your health you can achieve anything.

 

I am full of expectation for this new decade and will be working on turning my next set of hopes and dreams into realistic goals and targets for the next stage of my life. I now have a solid base from which to build and a strong support around me in which to bounce off if I slide or fall. I am in no rush to get anywhere as I am so much more aware of enjoying life for the moment and enjoying the NOW.

 

I am so excited about turning 30 next month and will celebrate every one of my 30 years on this earth with a huge grin hopefully with my cheek squashed up against the three best things from the last decade…my husband, my son and my daughter. How could my 30’s be anything but insanely perfect with them in my life? 

Home sweet Home

After a wonderfully busy Christmas break, we are back and I have just about got the laundry basket down from it's post holiday 555% over capacity to it's usual 90% full. Actually should that be 10% empty and does that make me an optimist or a pessimist? 

Anyway, we're back and the routine is slotting easily back into place. The kids are so excited about the snow that they haven't noticed the removal of decorations and all things christmassy so the January blow has been softened. For all of us.

I hope that everyone had a very happy christmas, a fantastic new year and that 2010 brings every joy, health and happiness you deserve.

Welcome 2010.......it's going to be a fabulous year! xxxx

Let it snow

Christmas is one of my favourite times of year especially now I am fortunate enough to be able to share it with little ones. I am loving everything about the festivities, quite possibly more than ever before, as the children are just ‘getting it’ so much now.

 

My son had his pre-school concert held in the nursery and he was a very special reindeer. My husband, my daughter and I went to watch on Tuesday and, after I got over the huge desire to just blubber overtaken by emotion of 26 mini people all sitting so beautifully in their haphazard costumes with varying degrees of confusion on their faces, watched with pride and amazement at their combined courage and talent. My son had a very important line, addressing Father Christmas, he said ‘We can get you out. Hold onto our antlers’ and then with his fellow reindeer, he pulled FC out of the chimney where he had been stuck throughout the play. A stunning rendition of ‘The Reindeer Cokey’ followed in which antlers and hoofs were put in and out and my heart broke for a minute or two as I watched my little man dancing his little reindeer legs off.

 

I had witnessed the rehearsal on the Monday complete with my daughter as my regular day to help in my son’s class normally coincides with my daughter’s morning in playgroup but, as that has now finished for the holiday, she spent the full session in with us. She loved every minute and I could feel her radiating ‘I am so grown up now’ joy for hours after! It also meant that when we watched the play for real, she knew the songs and clapped and sung along pointing with pride at her big brother all the way through.

 

We have visited several grottos as I not-so-secretly love this as much as the kids and if we meet a particularly good Santa, then I can allow myself to be convinced and swept up in the fantastical magic along with the intended believers. Today we accidentally visited another grotto whilst meeting friends in the snow for a final pre - Christmas catch up. There he was, sitting in his glory and it didn’t take much before we were in the surprisingly short queue eager to be introduced. He was by far the best so far and chatted happily, addressing each of the four children by their names, discussing his Christmas Eve wishes and even answering my questions regarding what would be the best course of action should he get stuck up the chimney. The kids clearly adored every moment and he gave them the gift of Christmas magic that they will remember way beyond their childhood.

Happiness is.....

They say it comes in threes and my goodness it has for me. The tail end of my flu offered a small dose of toothache reminding me that I still haven’t sorted out THAT tooth which has plagued my nightmares for years. I am totally dentist phobic and have got as far as the dentist chair a number of times, I’ve been x rayed, I’ve been brave for my kids to set a good example, I’ve been when pregnant as I knew they couldn’t hurt me but I have managed to avoid any actual drilling for many years. I have always known THAT tooth needed work since the filling fell out 5 years ago and I had a temporary one put in over two years ago (the pregnancy visit) and then the x ray a few months ago confirmed that we were now at root canal stage. I have spent months building up the courage to get my butt back in the chair and it took this last bout of toothache to get me there.

 

So, I arrived and after briefly considering doing a runner from the waiting room, I was called in by a lovely, smiling lady (good start). She and the smiley dentist (v good start) welcomed me in and I promptly burst into tears. After using the tissues they swiftly produced (I got the feeling I wasn’t the first the shed a tear or 50), I said my speech that I had carefully constructed including a plea not to hurt me too much and then settled back on the dreaded chair. After a few minutes I realised that I was going to have to open my mouth. We decided that it was best he just get on and do it there and then as my history of bailing and avoidance didn’t bode well for a return visit so I succumbed to the injection and lay back facing my fear and ready to join the root canal club.

 

The injections weren’t as bad as I thought and once numb, I actually did relax and, as he drilled, I just visualised all that horrible decay and the stress THAT tooth had provided over the years being eroded and cleaned. I reasoned that giving birth to my two babies with just gas and air and actually having to be a very active part of that particular job, this was easy. I had completely lost feeling and I didn’t have to do anything. Goodness, this was a break of sorts, a holiday. I could lie back and do nothing. Bonus! Pass me a cocktail.

 

So, he’s drilling and then he stops and asks me a few questions about what hurts, when it hurt etc and then he looks at the x- ray and his notes and then he delivers news that, had I not got a tongue suction and clamp on my numb mouth, I may just have sat up and kissed him for. ‘You do not need a root canal, just a big filling’. My shaking from nerves did a U-turn and morphed into a shaking from joy! After all that worry, all those opinions and even considering removing the tooth as I couldn’t face work being done, I now hear that I just needed a filling.

 

Thank you kind dentist and thank you lovely smiley dental nurse – you have just helped me tick off a huge item from my ‘Things to do before I am 30’ list and I couldn’t be happier!

 

Happiness is….going in for a root canal and coming out with a filling.

 

Silk Purse

Following my tonsillitis, I got suspected swine flu and I can honestly say that I have never felt so ill in my whole life. It left me completely incapable of using my muscles for over 24 hours and then able to, but with immense pain, for a further 48 and then I remained weak for another seven days on top of that. I won’t go into any more detail as it is not fun to read or write and I am now regaining my motivation, awaking my inner voice to inspire me and working on putting the last couple of weeks behind me.

 

I spent some time trying to find positives as I lay with only my brain working and very slowly at that. I decided:

 

- The children are absolutely fine

- I have a warm home and plenty of food and water

- I am lucky to live in a developed county where I have doctors and health services provided

- I have a loving husband who could look after me and, more importantly, the children and was able take two days off work to do so

- Tamiflu

- Neurofen and paracetamol

- I did not have any major events to miss such as a wedding day

- It will be better by Christmas

- I will get better, many people live with pain like this for long periods if not, forever

- I now appreciate my health even more

 

I also took some time to review my lifestyle and realised a few changes I could make. I always want to achieve the most I can in the time I have and sometimes I may push myself a bit too hard. I also feel that I need to keep going at a high-  speed rate or I am slacking. Having been forced to have two days rest and a further week at snail pace, I have realised how much I actually do every day and how perhaps I owe myself a break after working at this speed for such a long time. I think I felt my body show some weakness for the first time and I got protective and wanted to look after it.

 

For example, I have an hour and half each week on a Friday morning during term time when my son is at preschool and my daughter is at playgroup. I normally plan this time to precision so as not to waste it – I clean the cupboards, wash all the floors, go for a run or bleach the bathrooms. I try to achieve as much in this time as possible so I don’t feel like I have wasted it. I have now reviewed this and decided maybe, just maybe, I deserve to reserve this time for relaxation. It is, after all, what I would recommend a client to do in the same situation. I may decide to come home and have a leisurely bath, or go for a long swim, or go and sit in a coffee shop and read a magazine. This does not make me a bad person or a slacker, this makes me balanced.

 

I am behind on my courses, I am behind on my Italian, I am behind on my coaching, I am behind on the housework and I am behind on Christmas. What I have spent the time catching up on is my kids as they are my priority and I really did not enjoy struggling to do my job as mummy. I owe my husband some serious loving as he has been so patient, taken on extra responsibility incredibly and done it all with a beautiful smile. I know that everything can wait, I will get around to doing it all and so I am not going to stress - I want to wait until I can do everything properly.

 

I have had extra time with my daughter, as I have not been able to go to the gym, so we have been spending all morning together whilst my son is at preschool. It has been so lovely to have unrushed, unstructured time to just hang out and play and cuddle. I normally try to squash everything in to the morning and we rush here and there so this has been really a bit special. My husband went in to work a bit later and we went for hot chocolate together. It was gorgeous to be sitting together at the beginning of the day rather than in the tiredness of the evening and we chatted and walked our daughter down the river leisurely.

 

So, I thought I had balance. I thought I was fitting everything in and filling our lives with interesting and enjoyable activities but having taken stock and stepped back from my own life for a little while, I can see that it will do us all no harm to take it down a gear or two. The world will not stop, we will not fall off the edge, we will hopefully just enjoy the view a little bit more. 

Rainbows

I am writing this whilst chuckling (well, the chuckling turns into a cough and then a sneeze) re-reading my ‘10 reasons I am grateful for my body post’ at number 5 in particular. 

‘It has an excellent immune system and I am rarely ill’ 

Maybe rarely, but when I am, I do it properly. Oh my goodness, I have felt it this week. It started with a sore throat, to which I laughed in the face of, and protested that I wasn’t sick and that people who say they are sick, will fulfil that belief. OK. Maybe my inner voice was saying it as the sore throat worked its way around my body. At the cinema with my husband that night, it was only the sheer block buster edge of your seat viewing of ‘2012’ that kept me from curling into a little ball on my flip up chair. The bike ride home in the rain (“I don’t need a taxi, I am NOT sick”) pretty much finished me off . 

The rest of the week passed in a bit of a blur with me half battling with the idea of being ill and half pretending I was fine as two energetic children do not leave you a lot of time to sit and count your Strepsils. I gave in to the doctor visit (“why would I bother going to sit in a waiting room risking getting other peoples’ bugs to be told it’s just viral and to sit it out’) and was told that it was just viral and I should sit it out.

 

By the end of the week I felt much better, I could talk, eat a little (a major highlight of my week was my thoughtful husband bringing home cookie dough ice cream – in sickness and in health he was definitely onto a winner there.) and was proud of myself for taking everything slowly, resting where possible, early nights, drying my hair and wearing a scarf around my neck (very important apparently so says my, not only thoughtful but also very patient and sensible, husband as he watches me fly out of the house with my coat open and my hair damp)

 

I picked my son up from pre -school on Friday to be met with him proudly staggering out of school with the pet carrier every parent silently dreads on a Friday. We had the pleasure of Buster, the class dog for the weekend. Each child takes it in turns to take him home and then documents what Buster does over the weekend. Each parent prays that they are not the family to lose him or break him.

 

We were due to head into London to visit Santa in Selfridges so with a quick stop at home to drop off Buster’s overnight gear and a quick belt, elastic band and dressing up scarf designed into a coat, Buster was securely fastened to my son in the hope that Buster would make it home in one piece and back to school on Monday. At this point, to avoid any RSPCA visits, I should clarify that Buster is a beanie toy.

 

Now, on Sunday night, we have spent a wonderful weekend with Buster and I have found myself very attached to him. He has been a welcome addition to our little party and I even found myself popping him in a sock today to keep him warm and making sure that he was brought outside to appreciate the incredible the rainbow we saw this afternoon. My son and daughter have demonstrated excellent paternal/maternal tendencies and I have loved watching them include him into their lives so beautifully. 

 

I was almost too wrapped up in my temporary third dependant to notice that my virus is failing to shift and I am now ploughing my way through the third set of throat sweets which promise to be the best and the strongest and the ones that will change my life. I am frustrated with having to slow down but I am trying to put into practice some of the relaxation I have been learning on my course. I have not been able to maintain any cardio since last Saturday however I have been OK for both Pilates sessions so far which I am already a ‘sing it from the rooftops’ fan of. 

 

Personally, my moment of joy and the sliver lining to this tonsillitis covered cloud comes as I open up that cookies dough tub and eat it without a shadow of guilt. 

64th Time Lucky

Confession time.

I have no core stability. Worse. I have no core stability and despite many attempts, I cannot find the inner strength to improve it. But, my mantra of never giving up holds strong here. First, a bit of back-story to my core stability and me. Or lack of it.

 

I hardly managed much more than a sit up before the age of 28.

 

I had three complementary personal training sessions when I joined my gym. I used one for stretches, one for running advice and one for core stability. The first two I used the advice every day thereafter, the third left me in pain for a week and I never put to use the advice except for the sit-ups, which I grudgingly do after my cardio.

 

A few months later, I was offered a further complementary personal training session and so, with the hope of improving on last time, I asked for the session to be dedicated to core stability again. I kept up the exercises for two weeks then, retaining only a few Swiss ball exercises to add to my sit-ups, I fell back into my cardio habits.

 

You see, I love cardio. My brain loves it to. And my mind. And my body most of all. I love the anticipation before, the competition to beat my last session during and the sweaty, endorphin high at the end. You can’t fake cardio so I can’t fool myself. The digits say it all – the time, the distance, the calories burned. I can see for how long and how far and much I am putting into this and getting out of it. It offers real results and it appeals to my orderly nature as, if I’m struggling, I can concentrate on the time panel reaching the next set of 10 minutes, or the calories rounding up to a nice number or reaching another kilometre. If I need a boost, I can scan the radio channels and find an inspiring tune. If I am having a long distance run, I can watch an episode of something to take my mind off the length of time I am running. I can switch off for a few kilometres if I want and just let my mind wander into nowhere, just enjoying the freedom.

 

I have tried Pilates DVD’s, I have tried to follow the exercises I have been given when I am working alone in the gym but I cannot seem to find the resolve to hold the stretches or lifts for the full time unless I have someone watching me, counting and encouraging me. If I count myself, I count to 60 really, really fast pretending that it’s the right speed – I can’t do that on the treadmill as it counts for me. If I try to do a plank alone, I convince myself that 20 seconds is good as I am building up to the suggested 60 seconds when I know full well that under the eye of the trainer, I would never do less than a full minute.

 

I have nearly gone to classes but I shy away from them as a rule especially anything requiring coordination. I have done aqua fit but only because 60% of me is under water and cannot confuse fellow splashers when I get the moves mixed up. I am always a bit concerned that everyone knows what they’re doing apart from me and there are only a few beginners’ classes, which haven’t fitted in with my availability. Or that is my excuse.

 

So, enough excuses now. A few weeks ago I decided to try again. I signed up to a beginner Pilates course at my gym, which is apparently designed for people just like me. There was a big, long waiting list but I finally got the call and it starts at 9am on Saturday morning. It fits in to my life and it lasts 5 weeks so I am sure to have developed a Pilate habit by the end of it. I have a good feeling about this one. Watch out inadequate core stability, I’m gonna get you this time!

Jumping Beans

Yesterday, on a trip to the Science museum with the kids, I had the opportunity to put many of my ‘keeping calm under pressure’ exercises into practice.

 

This is what happened -

 

1. My daughter was in the buggy and my son was walking. I had planned to meet my friends at 1.30pm and I allowed an hour and a half for what was meant to be a one hour journey. Well done me.
2. My Route was Kingston to Wimbledon on the over ground and then District Line to South Kensington
3. My District line train stopped 2 stops early of South Kensington at Earls Court
4. I got off to wait for the next train that did go to South Kensington but couldn’t get on as it was totally jam packed and Earls Court was swarming with people so I waited and then jumped on the next empty one
5. Which was not going to South Kensington after all but High Street Kensington which is why it was empty
6. I got off at High St Kensington and travelled up one lot of steps and down the other to get on the Circle line to South Kensington
7. The Circle line train miraculously turned into a District line train and so it went back to Earls Court
8. I travelled up one set of steps and down the other to get back to the District line platform. I am now exactly where I had been at Stage 2. Except now it was 40 minutes later and I was officially late
9. I waited for a District line train to take me to South Kensington where we hit more stairs to go up
10. I got to the Science museum (up more stairs) at 2pm.
11. We had a gorgeous day with the kids – they behaved impeccably, had a great time with their friends and I with mine; we explored space, played in the basement, built towers and splashed in the water. I love the Science Museum.
12. On exiting the museum, the buggy broke. Collapsed. The front bit popped out and the frame lost a VIB (very important bolt), which made the two bits that hold it up, not hold it up any more.
13. I fixed it DIY style using the belt from my leather jacket.
14. I arrived at South Kensington station, all the time singing a silent prayer to the leather strap to stay strapped
15. The District line no longer went to Wimbledon due to something I couldn’t catch over the noise of the rush hour thundering closer, being on the line at Putney Bridge
16. But one did go to Richmond which is close enough and that’s where we headed
17. From where we got a bus home

 

 

So what did I learn?

 

1. The District line and Circle line are two of the most confusing, frustrating and slow lines on the London underground
2. In the year since I left London, I have become completely inept at using the London underground and I have become the suburban stereotype
3. After travelling miles to avoid them in the past, I have faced my nemesis, stairs, head on and on and on. They are OK, if a little bumpy.
4. By making ‘getting lost’ into an adventure, it is possible to keep a three year and two year old amused for much longer than you might think.
5. As does saying ‘Silly Billy Mummy’ and allowing them to chant the same thing
6. The belt from my leather jacket is more than just a pretty thing
7. Always carry string or similar tying - up type stuff
8. Good friends will understand as long as you give an apology, big smile and hug upon late arrival
9. People respond much better to you if you are laughing or relaxed than if you look like a stressed out mum – they don’t know what has happened in the last half hour and you can’t expect them to
10. Be flexible. If there is an alternative route, be open to it.
11. My kids are exceptionally patient and understanding under pressure
12. Jumping beans from the Science Museum are still as much fun as they were when I was little

 

 

 

So, what exercises did I do during this experience to reduce the stress and pressure of it?

 

1)    Will this matter in 1 hour? 1 day? 1 week?  No. Ok, so don’t stress about it now

2)    Is there a funny side to this? What would your husband/best friend/mum say when you tell them the story? Imagine their faces now and imagine you telling the story.

3)    Imagine you are with a friend who is experiencing the same thing. How would you want her to react? How do you think she would handle this? Try and be that person.

4)    What will stressing achieve here? Will you be able to change the situation? If not, don’t waste the energy being stressed. Also, a stressed mind is not a clear one so calm down before moving on.

5)    Accept that this is a stressful situation but you are capable of handling it. How proud will you be of yourself to rise above it?

6)    Smile. Pretend that you are OK and you will be a lot closer than if you scowl.

7)    Sing a song that makes you or the kids happy.

8)    Ask the kids what they think of what is happening. Their perspective is bound to make you smile.

9)    Is there anyway to achieve damage limitation? Send a text explaining what has happened to take the pressure off and buy a bit of time. If you are late, letting someone know as soon as possible is always preferable to just leaving them hanging and giving them time to get wound up.

10) Perspective is all - important. You are having trouble getting from A-B and will be a bit late to meet a friend. How much a big deal is that really? In the great scheme of life, love and war, does this even register on the radar? Come on, people deal with way more than this on a daily basis.