Happiness is.....

They say it comes in threes and my goodness it has for me. The tail end of my flu offered a small dose of toothache reminding me that I still haven’t sorted out THAT tooth which has plagued my nightmares for years. I am totally dentist phobic and have got as far as the dentist chair a number of times, I’ve been x rayed, I’ve been brave for my kids to set a good example, I’ve been when pregnant as I knew they couldn’t hurt me but I have managed to avoid any actual drilling for many years. I have always known THAT tooth needed work since the filling fell out 5 years ago and I had a temporary one put in over two years ago (the pregnancy visit) and then the x ray a few months ago confirmed that we were now at root canal stage. I have spent months building up the courage to get my butt back in the chair and it took this last bout of toothache to get me there.

 

So, I arrived and after briefly considering doing a runner from the waiting room, I was called in by a lovely, smiling lady (good start). She and the smiley dentist (v good start) welcomed me in and I promptly burst into tears. After using the tissues they swiftly produced (I got the feeling I wasn’t the first the shed a tear or 50), I said my speech that I had carefully constructed including a plea not to hurt me too much and then settled back on the dreaded chair. After a few minutes I realised that I was going to have to open my mouth. We decided that it was best he just get on and do it there and then as my history of bailing and avoidance didn’t bode well for a return visit so I succumbed to the injection and lay back facing my fear and ready to join the root canal club.

 

The injections weren’t as bad as I thought and once numb, I actually did relax and, as he drilled, I just visualised all that horrible decay and the stress THAT tooth had provided over the years being eroded and cleaned. I reasoned that giving birth to my two babies with just gas and air and actually having to be a very active part of that particular job, this was easy. I had completely lost feeling and I didn’t have to do anything. Goodness, this was a break of sorts, a holiday. I could lie back and do nothing. Bonus! Pass me a cocktail.

 

So, he’s drilling and then he stops and asks me a few questions about what hurts, when it hurt etc and then he looks at the x- ray and his notes and then he delivers news that, had I not got a tongue suction and clamp on my numb mouth, I may just have sat up and kissed him for. ‘You do not need a root canal, just a big filling’. My shaking from nerves did a U-turn and morphed into a shaking from joy! After all that worry, all those opinions and even considering removing the tooth as I couldn’t face work being done, I now hear that I just needed a filling.

 

Thank you kind dentist and thank you lovely smiley dental nurse – you have just helped me tick off a huge item from my ‘Things to do before I am 30’ list and I couldn’t be happier!

 

Happiness is….going in for a root canal and coming out with a filling.

 

Silk Purse

Following my tonsillitis, I got suspected swine flu and I can honestly say that I have never felt so ill in my whole life. It left me completely incapable of using my muscles for over 24 hours and then able to, but with immense pain, for a further 48 and then I remained weak for another seven days on top of that. I won’t go into any more detail as it is not fun to read or write and I am now regaining my motivation, awaking my inner voice to inspire me and working on putting the last couple of weeks behind me.

 

I spent some time trying to find positives as I lay with only my brain working and very slowly at that. I decided:

 

- The children are absolutely fine

- I have a warm home and plenty of food and water

- I am lucky to live in a developed county where I have doctors and health services provided

- I have a loving husband who could look after me and, more importantly, the children and was able take two days off work to do so

- Tamiflu

- Neurofen and paracetamol

- I did not have any major events to miss such as a wedding day

- It will be better by Christmas

- I will get better, many people live with pain like this for long periods if not, forever

- I now appreciate my health even more

 

I also took some time to review my lifestyle and realised a few changes I could make. I always want to achieve the most I can in the time I have and sometimes I may push myself a bit too hard. I also feel that I need to keep going at a high-  speed rate or I am slacking. Having been forced to have two days rest and a further week at snail pace, I have realised how much I actually do every day and how perhaps I owe myself a break after working at this speed for such a long time. I think I felt my body show some weakness for the first time and I got protective and wanted to look after it.

 

For example, I have an hour and half each week on a Friday morning during term time when my son is at preschool and my daughter is at playgroup. I normally plan this time to precision so as not to waste it – I clean the cupboards, wash all the floors, go for a run or bleach the bathrooms. I try to achieve as much in this time as possible so I don’t feel like I have wasted it. I have now reviewed this and decided maybe, just maybe, I deserve to reserve this time for relaxation. It is, after all, what I would recommend a client to do in the same situation. I may decide to come home and have a leisurely bath, or go for a long swim, or go and sit in a coffee shop and read a magazine. This does not make me a bad person or a slacker, this makes me balanced.

 

I am behind on my courses, I am behind on my Italian, I am behind on my coaching, I am behind on the housework and I am behind on Christmas. What I have spent the time catching up on is my kids as they are my priority and I really did not enjoy struggling to do my job as mummy. I owe my husband some serious loving as he has been so patient, taken on extra responsibility incredibly and done it all with a beautiful smile. I know that everything can wait, I will get around to doing it all and so I am not going to stress - I want to wait until I can do everything properly.

 

I have had extra time with my daughter, as I have not been able to go to the gym, so we have been spending all morning together whilst my son is at preschool. It has been so lovely to have unrushed, unstructured time to just hang out and play and cuddle. I normally try to squash everything in to the morning and we rush here and there so this has been really a bit special. My husband went in to work a bit later and we went for hot chocolate together. It was gorgeous to be sitting together at the beginning of the day rather than in the tiredness of the evening and we chatted and walked our daughter down the river leisurely.

 

So, I thought I had balance. I thought I was fitting everything in and filling our lives with interesting and enjoyable activities but having taken stock and stepped back from my own life for a little while, I can see that it will do us all no harm to take it down a gear or two. The world will not stop, we will not fall off the edge, we will hopefully just enjoy the view a little bit more. 

Rainbows

I am writing this whilst chuckling (well, the chuckling turns into a cough and then a sneeze) re-reading my ‘10 reasons I am grateful for my body post’ at number 5 in particular. 

‘It has an excellent immune system and I am rarely ill’ 

Maybe rarely, but when I am, I do it properly. Oh my goodness, I have felt it this week. It started with a sore throat, to which I laughed in the face of, and protested that I wasn’t sick and that people who say they are sick, will fulfil that belief. OK. Maybe my inner voice was saying it as the sore throat worked its way around my body. At the cinema with my husband that night, it was only the sheer block buster edge of your seat viewing of ‘2012’ that kept me from curling into a little ball on my flip up chair. The bike ride home in the rain (“I don’t need a taxi, I am NOT sick”) pretty much finished me off . 

The rest of the week passed in a bit of a blur with me half battling with the idea of being ill and half pretending I was fine as two energetic children do not leave you a lot of time to sit and count your Strepsils. I gave in to the doctor visit (“why would I bother going to sit in a waiting room risking getting other peoples’ bugs to be told it’s just viral and to sit it out’) and was told that it was just viral and I should sit it out.

 

By the end of the week I felt much better, I could talk, eat a little (a major highlight of my week was my thoughtful husband bringing home cookie dough ice cream – in sickness and in health he was definitely onto a winner there.) and was proud of myself for taking everything slowly, resting where possible, early nights, drying my hair and wearing a scarf around my neck (very important apparently so says my, not only thoughtful but also very patient and sensible, husband as he watches me fly out of the house with my coat open and my hair damp)

 

I picked my son up from pre -school on Friday to be met with him proudly staggering out of school with the pet carrier every parent silently dreads on a Friday. We had the pleasure of Buster, the class dog for the weekend. Each child takes it in turns to take him home and then documents what Buster does over the weekend. Each parent prays that they are not the family to lose him or break him.

 

We were due to head into London to visit Santa in Selfridges so with a quick stop at home to drop off Buster’s overnight gear and a quick belt, elastic band and dressing up scarf designed into a coat, Buster was securely fastened to my son in the hope that Buster would make it home in one piece and back to school on Monday. At this point, to avoid any RSPCA visits, I should clarify that Buster is a beanie toy.

 

Now, on Sunday night, we have spent a wonderful weekend with Buster and I have found myself very attached to him. He has been a welcome addition to our little party and I even found myself popping him in a sock today to keep him warm and making sure that he was brought outside to appreciate the incredible the rainbow we saw this afternoon. My son and daughter have demonstrated excellent paternal/maternal tendencies and I have loved watching them include him into their lives so beautifully. 

 

I was almost too wrapped up in my temporary third dependant to notice that my virus is failing to shift and I am now ploughing my way through the third set of throat sweets which promise to be the best and the strongest and the ones that will change my life. I am frustrated with having to slow down but I am trying to put into practice some of the relaxation I have been learning on my course. I have not been able to maintain any cardio since last Saturday however I have been OK for both Pilates sessions so far which I am already a ‘sing it from the rooftops’ fan of. 

 

Personally, my moment of joy and the sliver lining to this tonsillitis covered cloud comes as I open up that cookies dough tub and eat it without a shadow of guilt. 

64th Time Lucky

Confession time.

I have no core stability. Worse. I have no core stability and despite many attempts, I cannot find the inner strength to improve it. But, my mantra of never giving up holds strong here. First, a bit of back-story to my core stability and me. Or lack of it.

 

I hardly managed much more than a sit up before the age of 28.

 

I had three complementary personal training sessions when I joined my gym. I used one for stretches, one for running advice and one for core stability. The first two I used the advice every day thereafter, the third left me in pain for a week and I never put to use the advice except for the sit-ups, which I grudgingly do after my cardio.

 

A few months later, I was offered a further complementary personal training session and so, with the hope of improving on last time, I asked for the session to be dedicated to core stability again. I kept up the exercises for two weeks then, retaining only a few Swiss ball exercises to add to my sit-ups, I fell back into my cardio habits.

 

You see, I love cardio. My brain loves it to. And my mind. And my body most of all. I love the anticipation before, the competition to beat my last session during and the sweaty, endorphin high at the end. You can’t fake cardio so I can’t fool myself. The digits say it all – the time, the distance, the calories burned. I can see for how long and how far and much I am putting into this and getting out of it. It offers real results and it appeals to my orderly nature as, if I’m struggling, I can concentrate on the time panel reaching the next set of 10 minutes, or the calories rounding up to a nice number or reaching another kilometre. If I need a boost, I can scan the radio channels and find an inspiring tune. If I am having a long distance run, I can watch an episode of something to take my mind off the length of time I am running. I can switch off for a few kilometres if I want and just let my mind wander into nowhere, just enjoying the freedom.

 

I have tried Pilates DVD’s, I have tried to follow the exercises I have been given when I am working alone in the gym but I cannot seem to find the resolve to hold the stretches or lifts for the full time unless I have someone watching me, counting and encouraging me. If I count myself, I count to 60 really, really fast pretending that it’s the right speed – I can’t do that on the treadmill as it counts for me. If I try to do a plank alone, I convince myself that 20 seconds is good as I am building up to the suggested 60 seconds when I know full well that under the eye of the trainer, I would never do less than a full minute.

 

I have nearly gone to classes but I shy away from them as a rule especially anything requiring coordination. I have done aqua fit but only because 60% of me is under water and cannot confuse fellow splashers when I get the moves mixed up. I am always a bit concerned that everyone knows what they’re doing apart from me and there are only a few beginners’ classes, which haven’t fitted in with my availability. Or that is my excuse.

 

So, enough excuses now. A few weeks ago I decided to try again. I signed up to a beginner Pilates course at my gym, which is apparently designed for people just like me. There was a big, long waiting list but I finally got the call and it starts at 9am on Saturday morning. It fits in to my life and it lasts 5 weeks so I am sure to have developed a Pilate habit by the end of it. I have a good feeling about this one. Watch out inadequate core stability, I’m gonna get you this time!

Jumping Beans

Yesterday, on a trip to the Science museum with the kids, I had the opportunity to put many of my ‘keeping calm under pressure’ exercises into practice.

 

This is what happened -

 

1. My daughter was in the buggy and my son was walking. I had planned to meet my friends at 1.30pm and I allowed an hour and a half for what was meant to be a one hour journey. Well done me.
2. My Route was Kingston to Wimbledon on the over ground and then District Line to South Kensington
3. My District line train stopped 2 stops early of South Kensington at Earls Court
4. I got off to wait for the next train that did go to South Kensington but couldn’t get on as it was totally jam packed and Earls Court was swarming with people so I waited and then jumped on the next empty one
5. Which was not going to South Kensington after all but High Street Kensington which is why it was empty
6. I got off at High St Kensington and travelled up one lot of steps and down the other to get on the Circle line to South Kensington
7. The Circle line train miraculously turned into a District line train and so it went back to Earls Court
8. I travelled up one set of steps and down the other to get back to the District line platform. I am now exactly where I had been at Stage 2. Except now it was 40 minutes later and I was officially late
9. I waited for a District line train to take me to South Kensington where we hit more stairs to go up
10. I got to the Science museum (up more stairs) at 2pm.
11. We had a gorgeous day with the kids – they behaved impeccably, had a great time with their friends and I with mine; we explored space, played in the basement, built towers and splashed in the water. I love the Science Museum.
12. On exiting the museum, the buggy broke. Collapsed. The front bit popped out and the frame lost a VIB (very important bolt), which made the two bits that hold it up, not hold it up any more.
13. I fixed it DIY style using the belt from my leather jacket.
14. I arrived at South Kensington station, all the time singing a silent prayer to the leather strap to stay strapped
15. The District line no longer went to Wimbledon due to something I couldn’t catch over the noise of the rush hour thundering closer, being on the line at Putney Bridge
16. But one did go to Richmond which is close enough and that’s where we headed
17. From where we got a bus home

 

 

So what did I learn?

 

1. The District line and Circle line are two of the most confusing, frustrating and slow lines on the London underground
2. In the year since I left London, I have become completely inept at using the London underground and I have become the suburban stereotype
3. After travelling miles to avoid them in the past, I have faced my nemesis, stairs, head on and on and on. They are OK, if a little bumpy.
4. By making ‘getting lost’ into an adventure, it is possible to keep a three year and two year old amused for much longer than you might think.
5. As does saying ‘Silly Billy Mummy’ and allowing them to chant the same thing
6. The belt from my leather jacket is more than just a pretty thing
7. Always carry string or similar tying - up type stuff
8. Good friends will understand as long as you give an apology, big smile and hug upon late arrival
9. People respond much better to you if you are laughing or relaxed than if you look like a stressed out mum – they don’t know what has happened in the last half hour and you can’t expect them to
10. Be flexible. If there is an alternative route, be open to it.
11. My kids are exceptionally patient and understanding under pressure
12. Jumping beans from the Science Museum are still as much fun as they were when I was little

 

 

 

So, what exercises did I do during this experience to reduce the stress and pressure of it?

 

1)    Will this matter in 1 hour? 1 day? 1 week?  No. Ok, so don’t stress about it now

2)    Is there a funny side to this? What would your husband/best friend/mum say when you tell them the story? Imagine their faces now and imagine you telling the story.

3)    Imagine you are with a friend who is experiencing the same thing. How would you want her to react? How do you think she would handle this? Try and be that person.

4)    What will stressing achieve here? Will you be able to change the situation? If not, don’t waste the energy being stressed. Also, a stressed mind is not a clear one so calm down before moving on.

5)    Accept that this is a stressful situation but you are capable of handling it. How proud will you be of yourself to rise above it?

6)    Smile. Pretend that you are OK and you will be a lot closer than if you scowl.

7)    Sing a song that makes you or the kids happy.

8)    Ask the kids what they think of what is happening. Their perspective is bound to make you smile.

9)    Is there anyway to achieve damage limitation? Send a text explaining what has happened to take the pressure off and buy a bit of time. If you are late, letting someone know as soon as possible is always preferable to just leaving them hanging and giving them time to get wound up.

10) Perspective is all - important. You are having trouble getting from A-B and will be a bit late to meet a friend. How much a big deal is that really? In the great scheme of life, love and war, does this even register on the radar? Come on, people deal with way more than this on a daily basis. 

Take Ten

This is another life coaching exercise within the happiness and perspective range. 

10 reasons why I am grateful for my body

 

1)    It provided a safe pod in which my babies could live and grow for 9 months

2)    It knew how to deliver these babies safely into the world without any problem

3)    It provided nutrition to my babies for 9 and 10 months respectively

4)    It ran the London marathon without too much complaint

5)    It has an excellent immune system and I am rarely ill

6)    It has a brain that may not be mensa standard but makes a consistent effort and is always capable of improving and growing

7)    It has curves that make me feel like a woman

8)    It has strong bones that have never been broken

9)    It has never had any problem seeing, hearing, smelling, touching or tasting

10)  It has never let me down

Just listing these makes me feel incredibly grateful. It makes me smile and walk with my head held a little higher.

Why do you appreciate your body?

Sofa v Treadmill

Motivational tip no. 233

 

Visualise yourself having done whatever it is that you require motivation for.

 

Example

I use this quite often for evening workouts.

 

The scenario

My husband is back from work, the kids are in bed, the house is warm and the wine is open. Why on earth would I want to leave this idyllic environment to face the freezing evening night to go and sweat it out for an hour?

 

The visualisation

I imagine how I will feel in an hour when I come back having completed the work out. My husband will still be there, the wine will still be there, the kids will still be asleep and I will feel amazing. I put on hold all my treats by just one hour and it will be worth every second. I will be much more relaxed with my husband and I will feel so much better about myself. The alternative, if I chose not to go to the gym and instead stayed in, is to feel guilty, sluggish, not enjoy my food, drink, husband or the warmth of my house so much. The choice is a no brainer…get out there and sweat it out!

 

By projecting myself into the future and imagining how good I will feel, it is normally enough to get me out of the door and once I am there I know I made the right decision. It is just the getting out of the house in the first place that provides a challenge.

 

Each time you make the choice, it becomes easier as you have more feel good feelings to reference. Remember, each time you do it, you are closer to creating a habit and habits are hard to break!