Bumpy times

 

I have been thinking about my first pregnancy a lot recently as my friends are starting to have babies. I was one of the first amongst my peers as I became pregnant with my son at the relatively young age of 25. At the time, I did not feel young as, being so in-love, I was ready for whatever commitment our relationship grew into, whenever it happened. Becoming pregnant felt like the most natural thing to do and I didn’t plan or worry too much. I lived my pregnancy in a happy naivety, took just one pregnancy test (as opposed to the 5 tests I took when I was pregnant with my daughter), and just loved every moment.

 

Pregnancy, as long as you and your baby are healthy, can be a blissful time. I don’t think you really realise that a baby comes at the end of the 9 months until you are holding it. You plan, you imagine and you talk endlessly about it but nothing can truly prepare you for the experience of becoming a mother except becoming a mother.

 

As a pregnant lady, you are granted relief from all heavy tasks, you are the centre of attention, you are given seats and glasses water. You feel special and, when you have a bump, you feel visibly special. Yes, you may also feel fat, unattractive, uncomfortable and like everyone around you seems to be enjoying a few too many glasses of wine, but when your baby gives you a little kick, that can melt away in an instant.

 

You have instant conversation starters and lots to chat about with everyone. People can’t wait to give you advice and they want to hear all the details of what you are experiencing. You are instantly more approachable and seem softer as a human. I worked front of house on reception during my pregnancy and everyone from deliverymen to the most hard nosed manager were lovely to me. I’d also get first pick of the Friday cakes or left over donuts which was a bonus!

 

At the front of your mind throughout those precious months is your baby. Whatever you eat or touch you relate back to your baby. Whenever you move, lift or manoeuvre, you are thinking about your baby. Life goes on and you work and go out and sleep and eat but when you do each and every one of these things, you are thinking for two.

 

We found out I was pregnant less than 6 weeks before we got married so I was 9 weeks pregnant when I walked up the aisle. I did feel slightly sorry to miss out on the goats cheese starter I had selected, the Pimms on arrival and the wine and champagne but in hindsight, I am so glad I was pregnant as I clearly remember ever second of my wonderful day. I was a calm bride, there were few stresses before the big day as I would not do anything to risk upsetting my baby. I didn’t do a crazy pre - wedding diet so I looked healthy and glowing and with growing maturity, I am happier and more grateful for this.

 

I avoided the potential post - wedding blues as two days into being Mr and Mrs we had our first scan and saw the little guy and his pumping heart. Nothing could be any shade of blue after that.

 

So, as my friends glow with pride, stroke their bumps and talk about the future that awaits them, I smile and although part of me wishes that I too could be experiencing the miracle of growing the life of a baby again, I know that the best is yet to come for them. 

Multi-tasking

10 reasons why I love running my 10k on the treadmill at the gym:

 

1)    One hour work out  

2)    Listening to the radio

3)    Reading the subtitles of BBC News 24

4)    Looking after my heart and lungs

5)    700 calories

6)    Feeling of freedom

7)    Fabulous stress buster

8)    Endorphin high

9)    Feeling of success

10) Eating the left over Halloween chocolates after guilt free

Koala cuddles

So, my babies have been playing sickness tag. They have arranged to take it in turns I think and have been passing the baton since Monday night. I don’t know why they don’t want to be ill together or whether they have some energy source that must be shared and when one has it, the other wanes, or maybe they feed of each other’s vulnerability. I don’t know but I have had one or the other attached to me like a little koala for three days, day and night. Maybe they are sharing the illness so that neither has the full force of it – that’s a nice thought.

 

The benefit of slightly poorly babies is the extra cuddles, the snuggles and the excuse to drop everything and just give them 100% of myself knowing that everything else can wait yet I spend the whole time they are sick just wishing them better. Minor illness offers a slightly quieter time, yet I long for my boisterous and energetic babies running around and jumping on me.

When I put my daughter to bed and she just snuggled up cuddling Peppa, I wanted her to be jumping up and down demanding ‘Star Star’ (as in Twinkle) to be sung out of tune one more time. When my son sat quietly under a blanket for the entire Monster Inc DVD and didn’t move once, I was torn between loving the hour and a half snuggle but worrying that he was feeling poorly.

 

I find that my babies only want Calpol when they are well. This means that during sick tag, the wrong baby always wants the drugs. I know who is really sick as they don’t hurtle across the room desperate for the pink stuff. It is my own personal litmus test for the wellness or otherwise of my children. I don’t need a thermometer, I have purple sachets.

 

I realised this week that it’s been a while since they have been ill as I had to check the dosage allowed for each child. Always when you smugly mention ‘goodness, mine have avoided all bugs this year….’ then you remember ‘oops, I didn’t touch the wood’

 

Sleep and Love and Cuddles. 

Green Fingers

"Delicious autumn!  My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth 
seeking the successive autumns." 


George Eliot

I am not really a natural gardener. Well I’m not really a tried or tested gardener so I don’t know. I can appreciate flowers and their contribution to making the world a much prettier and better place but I have never been driven to plant any myself.

I have grown mustard and cress in eggshells with the kids and enjoyed seeing it grow but struggle to remember to water a plant or move the herbs to reach the light…it doesn’t come naturally.

 

So, the garden was a mess. The front is the kid’s garden and the grass was embarrassingly long with the path invisible below the sheet of leaves. The back is the grown-up garden and the tables and concrete slabs were a bed of huge fig leaves and another type of leaf that comes from the big tree with yellow flowers in the middle.

 

When we first moved to this house, we had gardeners come and spend the morning sorting it out as the house had been empty for some time and the garden neglected. Having lived in apartments without gardens for some years, we knew we needed some help as we really didn’t know where to start and they did a fabulous job of clearing it all up and making it look presentable. My husband has worked on it over the summer, my in laws and my parents always insist on doing something to it when they come but now with my husband up to his eyes in work, weekends vanishing in a blink and my increasing feelings of guilt about our neighbour’s view from their window, I decided action must be taken!

 

After digging around in the surprisingly clean and spider free shed, I found a rake and a big garden looking brush, asked my three year old son how Papa uses the lawnmower (he was amazingly knowledgeable and on his advice alone, I worked out everything!) and three hours later, I am surveying our handiwork with pride!

 

My son loved the afternoon – getting his hands dirty, collecting up bundles of leaves and grass, finding bugs and being the ‘one who knew’ what to do! My daughter enjoyed around half an hour and then got bored and this fortunately coincided with her afternoon sleep. Still, if she takes after her mother, this behaviour will continue for approximately 27 more years.

 

I should have known that autumn would be the season that coaxed my inner gardener from wherever it has lain dormant for all these years. I have always had a soft spot for this season that is so reliable year in, year out. Autumn keeps it promise – the leaves turn yellow, gold, red and orange without fail and when the sun shines, it highlights the sensational colours nature produces in the otherwise traumatic death of summer beauty. I can’t kill anything, as it is already dead. Summer may be a wash out, spring may be rainy, winter may not bring the hope of snow but autumn, autumn makes the loss of summer a transition we can all accept as she does it so graciously and without fuss.

 

The mowing reminded me of doing a buzz cut on an enormous head and I had a great time of making patterns and playing in the grass (‘Papa doesn’t do it like that, he goes in straight lines’ Shhh, whatever!). I loved doing the final sweep up and took immense satisfaction in the enormous change my efforts had produced. I felt like He-man carrying the slide, the loungers and moving the wendy house as my son directed me to where they would be best left whilst I mowed and raked that part of the garden.

 

My son. The best bit had to be my son’s face as he realised that he had contributed so absolutely to the finished result and I was so proud of the three-hour concentration he had managed so effortlessly.

 

The next best bit is still to come…my husband’s face when he realises that he no longer needs to worry as I have done the job lingering over our heads for so long and he can relax without that nagging feeling of getting it done!

 

I celebrated my new found green fingers with some beautiful flowers from the shop chosen by my son. On my journey, I couldn’t help but notice all the leaves on the river path and I was itching to run home, grab my brush and clear every last one of those pesky leaves up…another cleaning OCD to add to my ever growing list….at least this one is seasonal!

Night night

And so the stories have been read and the songs have been sung and my babies are sleeping in their cosy beds. Their breathing has become regular and steady, their perfect faces are relaxed as they dream the dreams of the innocent and they are at total peace with the world. I look at their little faces and imagine what is being processed in their minds, what they have made of the events of the day, which faces they will remember, which voices will they be hearing. I give their impossibly soft cheeks a gentle kiss, careful to resist the urge to pick them up for one last snuggle, and wish them a safe and beautiful night sleep. Thank you babies for another gorgeous day. Night night. x

Be True

Be true to those who trust thee,
Be pure for those who care.
Be strong, for there is much to suffer,
Be brave, for there is much to dare.
Be a friend to all – the foe, the friendless.
Be giving and forget the gift.
Be humble, for thou knowest thy weakness.
And then, look up and laugh and love and live.

Anon

I love this poem especially for the last line. 

'And then, look up and laugh and love and live'

Well said. x

Seasons of change

One of the exercises that can be used in life coaching is to look around what we have and to appreciate it. This can take many forms (appreciate each type of weather/why you love where you live/why you appreciate your body) and I do them myself regularly. 

This particular exercise makes me realise how much I love every season, how I am ready for each as and when it arrives and knowing that there are many things to look forward to all the way from January to December!

Seasons

Why I love each and every one.......

I love you Summer for

• your warmth and light
  
• your smell of sun and laughter
  
• BBQ’s every evening
  
• for bringing my baby girl
  
• the endless, mild evenings
  
• pimms with friends drunk with a smile
  
• splashing in the paddling pool
  
• children playing outside all day long
  
• windows open and fresh summer breeze
  
• smiles
  
• a feeling of release and freedom
• golden tans and rosy cheeks
  
• summer dresses
  
• sunglasses
• al fresco dining
• feelings of lightness and floating
  
• flip flops
  
• the smell of suncream
• painted toe nails
  
• salads and summer fruit
• music playing outside
  
• picnics
  
• bare feet 
  
• the sea and the sand
  

 

I love you Autumn for

• your colour and vibrancy
  
• your smell of bonfires and sparklers
  
• your sunsets of burning clouds
  
• the golden sunlight reflecting on the river at sunset
  
• crunching leaves
  
• opaque tights and knee high boots
  
• jumper dresses
  
• wellies and puddles
  
• early evenings snuggled under a blanket
  
• fireworks, pumpkins and Halloween
  
• warm soup and stews
• making me want to sing 'Autumn days when the grass is jeweled' all day
• roast dinners back on the menu
• new school terms, new stationery and new shoes
  

 

I love you Winter for

• your strength and solidity
  
• your smell of cold and clear air
  
• the hope of snow
  
• the excitement of Christmas, the stroke of midnight and a new year.
  
• hats and scarfs, wolly socks and gloves
  
• all things sparkling and all that glitters
  
• mulled wine and mince pies
  
• family and goodwill
  
• children believing
  
• using Father Christmas as a bribe all winter …’he’s watching you kids!’
  
• christmas carols and kissing under the mistletoe
  
• christmas specials and old films
• the striking pose of a tree stripped of his leaves
• really cosy time by the fire
  
• kids all wrapped up in their winter clothes
  
• teddies singing!
  
• visiting Santa’s grotto
  
• lights…so pretty everywhere they make everywhere look so much better
  
• decorations and christmas trees
• new year resolutions and the promise of positive changes
• peace and love all around! 
  

I love you Spring for

• putting a bounce in our step
  
• the gorgeous natural perfumes around every corner
  
• finding your way through the winter chill
  
• new beginnings and births
  
• for bringing my son
  
• blossoms and buds
  
• colours sweet enough to eat
  
• less clothes
  
• the desire to spring clean!
• chocolate eggs
• flowers and petals
  
• fresh cut grass